Do you ever wonder why complete happiness eludes some of us? Deanna and I had a long conversation about that yesterday. We do experience times of happiness and joy, but those seem to evaporate as soon as we're confronted with everyday choices and decisions. It seems we have to make decisions about EVERY single thing in our lives and homes. Perhaps that's just the way things are and we're not being realistic about it. Why then, can't we just make our decisions, be content with them, then move on to something else?
Deanna and I often second guess ourselves - meaning that we often wonder if the decisions we made were the right ones for us and those we love. Sometimes they are, but other times, we feel we've made errors in judgement. We know it's not possible to be right all the time. We understand we are responsible for our homes and what we put in them. What we resent is that we are the ones who seem to also be responsible for everything else - from what time to get up in the morning, to what time to go to bed, and all things in between. We've begun to wonder what it feels like to not be responsible for so much.
Everyone has to make daily decisions. It just seems we have more than we can reasonably handle sometimes. Here's how my day goes: Should I.....get up and get busy or get another needed hour of sleep? - feed the dog first, or get the cat safely into the bedroom first so the dog won't eat her? - take time to make myself a healthy breakfast or just grab some toast and jam? - shower and dress first or run the vacuum, then clean up? - work on the basement clutter or do some things I'd really rather do? - unload the dishwasher or wait until I'm back in the kitchen working on tonight's supper? - start planning for supper or let it go until the last minute? - go to the grocery store or use what's in the pantry? - start some laundry or let it go until tomorrow? - clip those coupons or take my chances that what I need is on sale? - get on the computer and play for awhile (which makes me happy) or do my household work first and risk losing the chance to check email today? - do the major daily cat care now or let it go until later in the day? - go out to get some fresh air (which makes me happy) or be "realistic" and get things done inside the house first?
And on it goes....I've not even included decisions about working in my cabin, crafting, choosing music for the contemporary worship group to which I belong, or making calls to make sure my mother is doing ok. I simply listed the most basic daily decisions. Then there are the hundreds of decisions to make depending on the basic ones - like, once I decide to plan supper, what do I fix? Do I need more ingredients? When I decide to work on the basement clutter, which boxes do I purge first, then what do I do with the things I see inside it? What do I keep? What do I give away?
Decision making is ongoing - never ending - relentless - and part of life. The other side of it would be to have someone making all my decisions for me and I would surely rebel against that. Now that I think about it, I do want to make my own decisions. I just want there to be fewer of them to make. I'd like a break from the mundane decision making and I'd like to feel I have the freedom to choose to do more things that make me happy, without suffering the consequences of making poor choices. Is that realistic? - probably not. Until I think of a solution, I'll continue to make the major decisions I find necessary and try to not stress so much over the others. Perhaps I just need to DECIDE everyday to do some things which I know will make me happy and work in the things that don't.