Monday, January 4, 2010

I WILL . . .

I WILL . . . request help from my spouse or other family members
instead of taking all the holiday planning upon myself,
then feeling resentful I had it all to do.
This seems to be a straightforward concept: Ask for help if you want or need it. I find it easier said than done though. It's been my experience to ask for help, sense Spouse's disinterest, then ask again and be accused of nagging. Ok, it doesn't happen every day, but it's occured often enough that I hestitate to make requests. Many women want their spouses to see what's to be done and offer to help. Maybe men could relate to this if I compared it to them asking for directions when driving. They generally don't like to do that.
It's not that I'm too proud to ask for help and Spouse does come through much of the time. He's a good guy, just not always on the same page with me. We don't think alike. There's something within me that longs for him to be more observant, see the dirty dishes in the sink, notice the kitchen floor needs to be cleaned, and take some action so I don't have to ask him to help remedy those situations. His response has often been, and I quote, "All you have to do is ask".
WHY do I have to ask? They're not just MY floor, MY dishes, MY pets, and MY house. They belong to him too. I know he likes Christmas and appreciates the house when it's decorated for the holidays. What I don't know is why he isn't interested in helping it get that way. It's not solely my responsibility.
So...this year, as sweetly as I can manage, I will ASK him to help with the trees, lights, shopping, wrapping, and other things that need to be done at Christmas time. Here's my plan. Since he doesn't like those "honey-do" lists, I will offer him choices. The other night the choice was between unloading the dishwasher and unloading the dryer, which had permanent press clothes in it. He chose the dryer, so I unloaded the dishwasher and didn't feel resentful since we were sharing the chores.
A choice might be made between putting up the tree or pulling out the boxes of ornaments and decorations. Another might be going gift shopping with me, or staying home and having dinner ready when I return. I think we can work this out so neither of us is unhappy or disinterested. He didn't seem to mind chosing between two chores, and I didn't mind "asking" in that way. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

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