Once again I find myself wondering why it's been so long since I added something to my blog. It's not that I haven't anything to express. Those who know me would attest that I'm rarely at a loss for words.
Possibly the problem lies in the various turns my life has recently taken. I've often "resolved" to do better, think more positively, and add to my blog posts daily, then life takes over and I allow the things I love to be last on my "to-do" list.
When I don't allow time to do something I enjoy, I feel as if I've failed. When I take time for myself, I often feel guilty. The guilt is due, in part, to my angst over doing what I want to do, or visiting my mother at her assisted living facility. She'd like me to be there with her every day, but recently I've begun to make excuses to not go, and I don't stay long when I visit. After the first three weeks of her stay, I stopped going every single day. When I visit, it's not very pleasant. I spend most of my time straightening her room, closet, and drawers so she can find things again. I constantly have to search for lost items - her door key, the TV remote, combs and brushes, clean socks, etc. Last week I walked into her room and found her bed piled high with all the clothes from her dresser drawers - again. That day I left them as they were and decided to let the staff find a way for Mom to get into bed that night. I listen to her outrageous stories, told in great detail, and wonder why she can't remember her grandchildrens' names, but can tell and re-tell stories of things that never happened. I'm not supposed to correct her but just "re-direct" her thoughts - not an easy task.
Our Alzheimer's Support Group counselor reminds us to not allow our lives to revolve around the disease or the family member who has it, but she doesn't tell us how we're supposed to do that! Among visits to Mom, frequent calls from the Lamplight staff, monthly care conferences, trips to her doctors and the emergency room (two trips in the last few weeks), keeping up with her bills, and affirming she's receiving good care, I ofen feel I've lost myself.
MOM'S "APARTMENT" AT LAMPLIGHT INN - HER NEW BED
BIGGER TIGGER AND RUSTY ON ONE OF THE CAT CONDOS
SWEET LITTLE BETSY - ONE OF MY OLDER GALS
BAILEY-THE-BRAVE USUALLY RUNS WHEN HE SEES A CAMERA
FOSTER CAT, JOEY, WHO WILL SOON RE-JOIN HIS MAMA
BLOOPER DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A HAPPY CAMPER TODAY
BAXTER THINKS HE'S KING OF THE CAT ROOM