Friday, May 26, 2017

THE END OF THE ROAD

I've known this day was coming. It's been evident with my infrequent posts. Though I loved blogging and sharing stories, pictures, and recipes, I have to admit that my heart is no longer in doing that. I've appreciated all of you who stopped by to read, copy a recipe, or share a remembrance through the last few years, but I fear I've lost most of my followers. That happens when one doesn't keep up with posting, so it's not a surprise. It's life. It happens when we have many other things calling to us and we let our blog posting fall by the wayside, as I have been guilty of doing. I also stopped visiting other peoples' blogs, though it was something I had loved to do. I know my life changed when my mother entered an assisted living facility, then it further changed when she died and  I found myself lacking initiative to tell stories and share recipes. Actually, I lacked enthusiasm for life in general. In looking back, I can see I was dealing with a bit of depression - not so much at Mom's passing, as with all the things that fell to me to oversee during that time. Mom had reached a point where she was not able to recover from the challenges of having broken some bones in a fall at the assisted living facility, so her passing gave her peace and my family and I had been prepared for that. Moving her earthly possessions out of our childhood home was very difficult though. It not only took much longer than I'd anticipated, it was more of an emotional trip than I'd expected it would be. I blogged about some of those challenges but felt my posts had become rather negative and I didn't want that to continue.

When I first ventured into the "blogosphere", as I've heard it called, it was exciting and I had so much I wanted to share. I've rarely been at a loss for words and I liked sharing cat photos and stories as well as the ups and downs of life, such as having my mother in decline with Alzheimer's. In retrospect, I think Mom's diagnosis and entrance into an assisted living facility was the beginning of the end of my blogging journey. When Mom was in residence and I was visiting her almost daily, it was very tiring and sometimes frustrating. I'd take her some of her favorite things on most days, but end up spending way too much time trying to make her room and clothes closet tidy again after she'd dismantled them. I took her to weekly sessions with a vascular specialist for over five months, always making sure she had a McDonald's ice cream cone at the end of each session. She loved that. Then there were the dental appointments, doctors visits, and time spent at the heart specialist's office. There were numerous calls I'd receive in the middle of the night, letting me know Mom had been taken to the ER for dangerously low potassium levels. One of those calls came while I was with a close friend who was in the hospital ER himself. That was the only time I wasn't able to be there for her since my friend was in the hospital in another town. I took Mom for car rides through the country and brought her here to my old country home a few times. She wasn't particularly found of animals in general, but she seemed to like being with the cats. I know I'd do it all again if she was here and needed me. I posted blog entries about some of the more humorous aspects of her situation as well as some of the things that brought emotional pain, but I suspected that might have caused some to feel ill-at-ease while reading, and I decided to stop posting about those experiences.

When Mom was first moved into the assisted living facility after suffering numerous strokes, I envisioned she and I would eventually be able to spend a lot of time together here in my home - sewing lap robes, having Sunday dinners, and celebrating the holidays. It was soon evident that having her here wasn't the best idea. Not only was she no longer interested in making lap robes, nor did she remember how to do it, she would balk and sometimes flatly refuse to be taken to her room when returned to the facility. She even became belligerent on occasion. The staff gently told us we might do better to just visit with her there in her room or in the family visiting areas, so that's what we did for the rest of her time there. How strangely sad it was to celebrate Christmas Day - which was also her birthday - there at the facility instead of in a warm cozy home, but it was how things were and we had to adapt.

So....having expressed all of that - and I still grow teary-eyed thinking about it - I realize I am no longer enjoying the blogging experience. I could become adventurous and pick back up at sometime in the future, but for now, I'm done.

Please know I valued your comments and your friendship. I appreciated your stopping by to read and I hope you've been entertained and at times amused. I wish all of you the very best life has to offer. We need to do our best to enjoy every single day we're given. 

Love and best wishes......

Kady


2 comments:

Merilyn said...

It is with sadness to see your blogging journey come to an end....I have always enjoyed your posts, but like you I have found that life throws one other concerns that takes one away from those things we started off with, with such vigour.....I do wish you and your cat family all the very best in the future....do not stop creating altogether, although I have to say I haven't been into my sewing room for a few months myself, my calendar still hangs at February....not a good look in the scheme of things, I won't turn the page over to the current month until I can sit and get myself creating again....so I do understand... these things wax and wane as do the seasons, so just enjoy this season....it is what it is....your little creative cottage continues to inspire me, I keep trying to imagine one in my yard, but whether or not it comes to fruition is another thing....but you have given me something to think about......take care and God Bless....

Kady said...

Oh Merilyn, thank you for those kind words. It's good to know someone else understands. I've not even visited my upstairs sewing room since last month when my granddaughter needed some repairs on her prom dress, and then it was only to find some matching thread. My grandson graduated from college around the same time she was getting excited about going to her prom. Suddenly I felt so very ancient. I still tend to the cats every day and I visit Facebook and Pinterest, but as far as projects, I only work on little blankets for shelter kitties awaiting adoption. I haven't baked a batch of cookies, a pie, a cake, or anything remotely resembling anything yummy probably since last Christmas, though I used to love baking and sharing with neighbors and friends. My little cabin still stands in the side yard, calling to me, but I'm ashamed to admit I never bothered to put away Christmas decorations so it still looks just as it did in those photos on my sidebar. I did purchase a gently used red chair for my cabin and I've added a few more primitive touches, but I just don't go out there much and I don't know why. I do sit on the porch in an old rocker from time to time, and I know I'm fortunate to have that little sanctuary, but I'm not showing my gratitude to my spouse who did all the finishing touches on it. He wonders why I'm not out there every day. Maybe we're in a slump. I don't want to close the door on creating, but sometimes it just seems like too much effort. We lost our elderly dog two weeks ago and we're still reeling from that. We had her for 13 years. So what did we do? We went to the local shelter and found two boy dogs and are now trying to get them used to being in a loving home. They are close in age - each about a year and a half - and one had been sheltered for a year. So they have no manners yet but are the most loving and appreciative boys. We're having fun with them but the messes they make are amazing - they do seem to be potty trained, but they shed hair like mad. Maybe they will be just what we need to lift our spirits. Another chapter begins...I do hope you are able to secure a little sanctuary for yourself. And I hope the creative juices will begin to flow again for both of us. Be good to yourself and thank you for being my most faithful blog follower. Hugs....