A few days ago I posted about not feeling very motivated to do the things (I say) I love to do. I keep wondering if I'm fooling myself into thinking I have a passion for doing this or that. One passion I can definitely identify is my love for nurturing cats. There's no doubt about that, but when I tell myself I love sewing, I don't know if I really do. If I was truly passionate about sewing, wouldn't I want to work on projects more often than I do?
Do our passions come and go? Maybe they do. When my daughter was in elementary school I would sometimes sew all day long, stopping only for lunch and bathroom breaks. I'd come out of my sewing sanctuary when I heard the school bus arrive at 3pm. These days, I'm lucky if I get around to working on a project for a few minutes and I can't fathom spending a whole day sewing. On those days I do feel the urge to create, there are so many other things pulling at me that I spend more time fretting about those, than sewing.
Lately I've been searching for motivation and inspiration - partly out of necessity, since I have so many patterns and fabric stashes I need to use - but mostly out of a need to DO something productive. When I was raising my daughter, participating in craft shows, volunteering at church, and working with an animal adopotion agency (all at the same time), I knew who I was and what I needed to do. When I became a grandmother and watched my grandkids each day, I knew who I was and loved what I was doing. I had a purpose.
The grandkids no longer need caregivers and I recently left the church where I'd felt useful as a volunteer and I don't yet feel called to jump into volunteer work at the church I presently attend. I stopped working at the animal agency since I have a large menagerie of my own to tend. Sewing and crafting have pretty much gone by the wayside since I participate in very few shows now. Some days I feel as if I have no purpose, other than to make sure we always have clean clothes, nutritious meals, and healthy, happy cats. I guess those are "purposes", but they don't seem to be enough for me.
Some of you left comments telling me you felt the same as I did. So how do we get out of these ruts? Some things seems clear. We want to feel needed, but not be servants to our homes and families. We need creative outlets, but don't want to feel pressured to make things if we're not in the moods to do so. Some women create in order to pay bills and that can cause stress in our lives. Others sell their creations for the feelings of accomplishment that gives. There are many of us who want to be creative in order to give purpose to our lives.
I don't pretend to have any great answers, but one thing that helps me feel more creative is looking through a magazine called, "Where Women Create". Too often I think my sewing space (and home) should be spotless and organized before I can take time to sew. Besides being an impossibility for me, that is simply not a necessity. When I browse the pages of this magazine, I see all sorts of creative spaces. Some are very organized, but the crafting areas which inspire me most are the ones where supplies seem to be randomly scattered about the room. Some might be stacked on shelves, while others are stored in vintage jars or baskets. When I see that some of the women featured seem to be as organizationally-challenged as I am, it makes me feel more comfortable in my own life. Maybe those women don't feel at all disorganzied, just relaxed. The magazine is a bit pricey - $14.99 at JoAnn Fabrics - but sometimes a coupon discount is available. http://www.wherewomencreate.com/
I'm striving to accept myself, my home, and my crafting area as being unique to me, though they might be considered a bit disorganized by some peoples' standards. By setting myself free from someone else's idea of how I should live and create, maybe I'll be able to allow the door of creativity to open and inspiration will come in and visit awhile. I can only hope.