Sunday, April 15, 2012


Dear Brother, another year has passed and I miss you every day. You're never far from my thoughts and it's uncanny how often I find pennies when I most need a "sign" from you that things are going to be ok. I began to find them shortly after your passing. They appeared in parking lots, along sidewalks, in driveways, and even on the kitchen counter in my home. I found two last night as Glenn and I entered a restaurant. I'd been pondering our mother's situation and wondering if you'd think I was doing a good job of making sure her needs were being met. The pennies were a bit of reassurance. I always imagined they were sent by you. Perhaps that's wishful thinking on my part, but it gives me peace to believe it. Today is your birthday and the anniversary of the last time I saw you. It was on this day exactly 12 years ago that we gathered at our mom's house to celebrate Easter, your birthday, and your sweet daughter's birthday. It's a day I will always remember. You met my granddaughter for the first time that day and as you gently held her in your arms, I hoped she and my grandson would enjoy a long and loving relationship with their Uncle Bug, as my daughter used to call you, but that was not to be. I'd organized an Easter egg hunt for our kids and grandkids on that sunny Easter day, and you helped the youngest ones find eggs and claim their prizes. It was a wonderful day full of love and laughter. When you and your family left for home, you gave me such a warm hug. I didn't know that hug would have to last for the rest of my days on this earth.
If I had known…..your Easter birthday would be the last time….I would have hugged you tighter as we said goodbye….and never let you go….
If I had known….your heart wasn’t well….I would have begged, pleaded, gone to the doctor with you….I would have done  anything to make you better….
If I had known…..the pain of losing you might have been avoided….I would have tried to move Heaven and earth so that none of us would experience that pain….
If I had known… lonely and frightening your last few hours must have been…..I would have called you…..sat with you…..prayed with you….taken you to get help….
If I had known….how short your life would be…..I would have loved you better when you were the little brother with whom I fought….I would have overlooked your dirty hands and sticky face….and hugged you anyway….
If I had known…I would miss you this much….I would never have let you leave that final day….
Today is your birthday….and I miss you every single day. Sometimes I know I feel your presence….other times I‘m not so sure.  I look for signs to indicate you’re truly communicating with me. I talk to you all the time. I feel you’re listening… least I hope you are. I’m so grateful you were in my life. The time was too short….but you will remain in my heart for as long as I live…..
Love and gratitude……Sis


Constance said...

Dear Kady.
Sweet friend I know your pain. I lost my only brother nearly three years ago and not a day passes that I don't think of him and I will always feel such an emptiness without him. When he was younger he had a orange tabby cat that he named Yellows & Yellows (you had to know my brother) but shortly after he passed a strange yellow cat appeared to visit me. There is one that visits me at work and here at home, the one here showed up on Brithers's bithday last year. Your brother no doubt leves the pennies to let you know he will always be with you.
Take care and be blessed,

Whimsey Creations said...

Aw Kady, you're in my heart and prayers. I know how you feel. I lost my brother when I was 20 and he was 17. I'm almost 63 so it's been awhile but I still miss him and wonder what he would have been like as a man. Big hugs to you!